


Fix You

by good_ho_mens



Series: Sanders Sides Sims AU [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Gay Logic | Logan Sanders, Idiots in Love, Insecure Morality | Patton Sanders, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, deceit is tired, everyone is just gay and insecure, he just wants them to kiss oml, it gets better though, like legit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22568476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/good_ho_mens/pseuds/good_ho_mens
Summary: ~When you’re too in love to let it showbut if you never try you'll never know~One week until graduation, one week until Logan and Patton split ways, one week until they loose their chance to confess to each other forever.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Sims AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623871
Comments: 9
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

Logan Sanders fell in love with Patton Hart at precisely 5:37pm on a Thursday evening.

He’d been ranting about nebulas for ten minutes and seventeen seconds when his face started to heat up. He was talking too much, as usual.

His mouth had snapped shut as he waited for Patton’s sigh of relief that never came.

“So does that mean new stars are born in graveyards?” Patton asked instead, eyes wide as he propped his head in his hands.

Logan opened his mouth to launch into another long explanation and then caught himself for the second time. “It takes quite a while to explain. I’m sure there are other things you’d rather do.”

Patton had tilted his head, blinking blankly back at Logan. He didn’t even understand what Logan was getting at. “I like listening to you though.”

“You do?”

Then, Patton had smiled in that way he does, where his eyes crinkle and his cheeks turn pink. “I could listen for hours.”

“I see.”

“Besides, the universe is cool! It connects us all! And it’s comforting to know that no matter where you are, you can always look at the same constellation as the person you love.”

That was the turning point for Logan, the point where he realized that his brain may only hold enough information to talk for a few days about facts without a break, but he could talk about Patton for the rest of his life and never run out of things to say.

At precisely 2:48 on a Tuesday morning, nearly two years later, Logan Sanders is still in love with Patton Hart.

He flops back onto his bed and groans loudly to his empty dorm room, turning his head to the side to look at his previous roommates vacant bed.

The college senior was a few years older than Logan, always going out to party and coming in late smelling like alcohol and sweat.

Logan disliked him for the majority of their time living together, but on his last day, the man had shaken Logan’s hand and told him thank you, and that he’d never have made it without Logan helping him study.

It’s odd how one never really sees their impact on people until they’re told to their face.

Now though, the man he can’t even remember the name of is gone, just like Logan will be soon.

People are graduating, and graduating means leaving, and leaving means that-

Well, leaving means that Patton might never know what Logan wants to tell him.

He’d had a plan he wrote the second he got his hands on a notebook after he realized his predicament.

His ‘Three Hundred and Three Step Plan to Confess to Patton Hart’.

The thing is, he’s only on step one hundred. It would be impossible to finish before the week is up, and the two friends part ways.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been trying, he just didn’t think it would be so hard. For instance, step thirty in itself took him four weeks to complete, just because Patton’s favorite flower changed almost every day!

That and… he couldn’t even look at the list for almost six months after he made it.

In his excitement and panic, he hadn’t actually taken time to think about what being in love meant.

It had actually been Patton who’d referred him to a therapist. It took them eight months until Logan could say “I’m gay” without going into a panic attack.

Now, he can say it easily, but it doesn’t matter much when he can’t say it to the person he wants to.

“This is ridiculous,” he mutters.

Sitting up, he slides his glasses back onto his face and lets out an even breath. He has to think logically.

Except there isn’t anything remotely logical about love.

At least not that he’s aware of.

Patton would know.

Logan groans again and drops his head in his hands. He is not asking for love advice from the person he is in love with.

The voice in his head tells him to go to sleep, and he glances at his alarm clock. It’s nearly three am. Logan has spent almost all night up thinking about love, of all things.

Any other night he would get up to do work, might as well if he can’t sleep, Patton Would hand him a coffee and a bagel in the morning and tell him to stop working so hard, but he unfortunately doesn’t have any work to do.

Graduation is in a week.

Now he’s back to where he started.

“This isn’t healthy,” he says to the empty room.

Perhaps if he went for a walk it would clear his head?

Debating the dangers of a small town college campus at three am, Logan nods and climbs out of bed.

He busies himself getting dressed, pulling on a polo and picking out a tie. He used to despise the outfit, even though he never wore anything else.

It’s what they made him. Gray and uninteresting.

“I got a little brain design embroidered on it! Now it’s unique and all your style!”

Patton really does know how to make someone comfortable.

Now, the outfit doesn’t make him hate himself, but it’s still not so over the top to bring up past issues.

The real question is, how could one not love Patton?

Logan almost trips on his carpet.

Who could not love Patton?

He isn’t even sure someone else doesn’t! He doesn’t know if Patton is in love with someone else! He’s pretty sure he’s not dating at least, Patton tends to share every minute of his day with Logan.

If he was dating someone, Logan would know.

Theoretically.

For the dozenth time that night, Logan takes a deep breath and tells himself to calm down. He’s just sleep deprived is all.

Sleep deprivation is clinically proven to mess with one’s functionality and thought process.

Pulling on his last shoe, Logan opens his door quietly, his keys tucked in his palm.

There’s a soft ball of fabric that rubs up against his wrist when he holds his keys in such a way. It’s a stimulant comfort, and though he won’t admit it, it holds emotional value as well.

Patton had bought him the soft keychain on a trip to an observatory with his astronomy class. It was in some rundown gas station that Logan can’t remember the name of.

The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that most things he has an emotional attachment to has come from Patton.

The air outside is still and warm, May turning to June with longer days, greener leaves, and the feeling of dread that comes with leaving school.

Every step on the concrete clicks, breaking the silence in the sleeping campus.

One step, click, another, click, on and on and on again until Logan has completely lost track of where he’s going.

He’s just walking as the thoughts whirl in his head, in and out with every steady breath.

Logan has always meditated best during walks.

Minutes turn into hours, and he finds himself circling around the entire campus, finally stopping back where he started from.

Just at that moment, his phone buzzes, sounding the alarm that it’s time to start walking to history.

The alarm is actually twenty minutes ahead of time, but he’s set it just right to where if he leaves within five minutes, he’ll be able to cross paths with Patton on the others way to animal science.

Patton usually leaves early to get coffee for his professor, and Logan tags along.

It’s his favorite fifteen minutes out of every Tuesday.

So Logan turns again, and with sore feet he hadn’t realized were sore until now, he starts walking.

He makes it halfway there before a shout sounds behind him and Logan slows but doesn’t stop, keeping up his facade.

“Hey Logan!” Patton exclaims happily. He steps up to Logan and bumps their hips together, Patton’s equivalent of a nonintrusive hug. “How are you?”

Logan nods and adjusts his glasses. “I am well.”

“You sure? You’re looking a little tired.”

“That would be because I am.” Logan sends a small smile towards his friend. “Not to worry, one bad night of sleep won’t stop me from functioning properly.”

Patton giggles and nods, walking along with Logan. His steps are wide, occasionally veering to one side or speeding up to step over a crack in the sidewalk.

Logan’s are stiff and long, but he walks just a little slower so Patton can keep up.

“How are you, Patton?”

Looking up from the ladybug he’d been watching, Patton’s face breaks into a grin. “I’m awesome! On the way here I saw a woodpecker!”

“Considering where we are,” Logan starts as he slows his pace even more to accommodate Patton, “It’s more likely you saw a Northern Flicker. They do look quite alike.”

Patton wiggles his eyebrows. “Do you want to see my impression of a Northern Flicker?”

At Logan’s nod he flicks his fingers out in front of him, grinning at Logan with a glint in his eye.

“I don’t see how that resembles a bir- oh. Oh because you’re flicking to the North- that’s- that’s completely awful.”

“You love me,” Patton coos, batting his eyelashes.

More than he knows.

“Do you have lunch plans today?”

Patton reties his cardigan and shakes his head, “Nope! None.”

“Neither do I.”

There’s a painstaking silence for a few yards and then Logan clears his throat. “Would you like to attend lunch together?”

“Yeah!” Patton clasps his hands behind him as he walks and scrunches his nose to keep his glasses from sliding off. “We’ve been friends long enough that you don’t have to ask anymore, Lo.”

Logan just about falls over.

Stopping off at the coffee shop, Logan pulls the door open for Patton, then stays behind him as he makes his way through the small shop, smiling and waving at almost everyone inside.

Logan learned a long time ago to let Patton do almost all of the actual socializing in social situations. His charisma and naturally kind face just makes it easier for him.

Most people already know Patton, addressing him by name or waving shyly.

There are basically two options after meeting Patton, like him, or adore him.

Logan has found the majority pick the latter.

“Hey Patt!” Calls a young person making their way out the door.

“Eliot! Hey!” Patton waves excitedly. “How’d the English final go?”

“Aced it!”

“Aw kiddo! I knew you could do it!”

Blushing a little at the praise, Eliot snorts. “Getting coffee for Professor Aldridge again?”

“You bet!” Patton responds with an achingly bright smile.

The student laughs and shakes their head. “Man, if I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you’re a suck up!”

They leave with their friend after that, and Logan leans over to speak in a low voice to Patton. “If they did know you any better, they’d know you are, in fact, a suck up.”

Patton gasps and pushes Logan’s arm lightly. “Am not! I just like doing nice things for people… and if it happens to make some professors more inclined to give me extensions more often… that’s pretty neat!”

“I’m fairly certain that’s the definition of a suck up.”

“Coffee, Lo?”

Logan chuckles. “Buying me something to get out of a conversation? That’s a bribe. Which is a crime in some states.”

“I guess that makes me a criminal,” Patton starts, getting that glint in his eye that always comes with a pun, “criminally-“

“Black coffee if you don’t mind,” Logan interrupts.

Patton pays for the order with a cheery tone, turning down Logan’s offer to pay for it. “I dragged you here anyway!” He says.

“On the contrary. You didn’t drag me anywhere.”

Smile softening into something that -well, for lack of proper vocabulary- figuratively makes Logan’s heart melt, and nods. “No, I guess I didn’t.”

The two start back on their way to their respective classes, and Logan counts the steps until they have to part ways.

“Are you nervous about leaving school?” Patton asks after a few seconds of comfortable silence, broken only by Patton blowing on his hot chocolate.

Logan doesn’t say anything as he takes a sip of his coffee, pretending not to be startled by the heat in his throat, he turns the question over in his head to try and figure it out. Is he nervous about leaving?

Or nervous about leaving Patton?

“I’m nervous,” Patton plows on, not minding Logan’s silence. “After this it’s just us against the world, you know? The future we’ve been preparing for since preschool is finally here and… I’m not ready at all.”

Looking at Patton in surprise, Logan frowns. “You aren’t ready? Are you alright?”

Patton shuffles his feet for a few steps, widening his smile. “Of course I’m alright! Just a little apprehensive is all.”

“Patton..” Logan slows and lightly bumps his hip into his friends, “you can talk to me.”

“I know I can!” Patton wiggles his eyebrows, “What? Have I been speaking gibberish?”

“Ah. Humor to cope. Why am I not surprised.”

“Well aren’t you feisty today!”

“It must be due to the-“

“Like a cat.”

“-lack of sleep last night.”

“Because cats are feisty.”

Logan adjusts his glasses with a sigh. “Yes. I understood, I merely refrained from commenting on the unnecessary joke.”

“Jokes are never unnecessary!” Patton protests, and it’s then Logan realizes he’s successfully changed the subject.

“If you don’t wish to tell me what’s troubling you, you don’t have to,” Logan says quietly.

Patton stalls. “It’s not that! I trust you Lo!” He bites his lip and then shrugs. “I’m just in a funk! I’ll be back to normal me any minute!”

“Patton-“

Already turning towards his own class, Patton waves, “I’ll see you at lunch!”

Logan sighs and gives a small wave, “Have a satisfactory day Patton, I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Don’t forget how incredible you are!” Patton calls out, the routine end to all their conversations.

Routine.

Constant.

That’s what Patton is.

Everything about him is constant, and when one loses their constant…

They tend to fall apart.

Logan spends his entire class period rewriting his plan to confess to Patton.

Right now, he’s not exactly making good progress. If he wants to finish before they split ways, he needs to revise it.

The professor drones on about graduation, the same speech Logan’s heard in every class for the last week.

A few of the students cry, some hug.

Considering what kept him up all night, he’s a hypocrite for finding all the emotions icky, but he can’t help it.

He pulls out a notebook from his bag and flips to a blank page. At the top, in bold letters he writes “Confess To Patton”, under that, he writes “Step One”. His pen stops moving.

“Fuck,” He mouths, surprising himself with the out of character swear word. The thing is, he has no idea how to do this.

To the side of him, a girl snorts and then nods at him, giving him a look that Logan has come to translate as ‘me too’.

The girl has been sitting next to him the entire term, and when Logan found out she was deaf, he’d started helping translate what she can’t read off the professors lips.

Patton says it’s very kind, Logan tells him it’s common decency.

Smiling tightly at her, he turns back to his thoughts and falls back on the only thing that’s never failed him, Logan pulls out his phone to do some research.

‘How to tell someone you have feelings for them- WikiHow’

It’s not like he has much dignity anyway. He clicks on the article, reading the first few steps.

‘Consider your chances,’ Logan reads silently, then drops his head forward onto the desk, propping his chin on his arms. “Fuck,” he repeats.

The girl snorts again and passes him a chocolate bar with a sympathetic smile.

Humans are confusing.

Trying to mimic what Patton would do, Logan pockets the candy and signs thank you.

The girl grins and signs you’re welcome back.

Pen poised over his paper, Logan treads on, reading every step carefully and critically before switching to another site and reading that one too. Afer a good half lecture of reading, he sets his phone down and starts making a list of his own.

Step One: Find out if he’s interested in anyone else

Step Two: Analyze body language

Step Three: Talk to his friends

Step four: Ask him to lunch

Step Five: Dress nicely

Step six: Convey attraction

As an afterthought he adds: Step Seven: Work damage control

Now he has a list. Logan has always believed starting with a list is the most efficient way to get things done. Now all he has to do is convert it into an hour by hour, day by day schedule for the last week they have until graduation.

That, and actually follow the schedule.

It really can’t be that hard.

Right?

The professor dismisses the class, reminding them that this is the last class of his for this term, or forever if they’re graduating.

Movement out of the corner of his eye makes Logan look down. The deaf girl writes a quick note on his paper, signs a heart and then picks up her bag to leave.

“Believe in yourself! You’ll do great! You always do.”

Logan decides he doesn’t mind the clutter on his paper this one time. He goes to sign his thanks, and realizes she’s already gone.

For some reason, his chest aches knowing he’ll probably never see her again.

Maybe Patton is rubbing off on him, making every human interaction mean more than they did before college.

Although, nothing really meant anything before college.

Packing up his own stuff, Logan sets his jaw, the girls written words running through his mind.

He can do this.


	2. Chapter 2

Logan can’t do this.

He’s not an anxious person, growing up the way he did, it’s a miracle he isn’t, but he’s not.

That aside, it’s impossible for someone to never get anxious... everything is just too confusing.

Feelings and deadlines and interviews and-

Logan’s phone rings and he stares down at the caller I.D, too afraid to answer.

Afraid.

If there’s one thing Logan wishes he could never be again, it’s afraid.

The commons are busy, alive with half dead college students wandering about. A few feet from where Logan sits is a couple fighting, on the other side two girls talking about their little sisters at home.

For everyone else, it’s just a normal day. No one else is plagued by the uncertainty Logan is feeling, no one else keeps getting these stupid calls!

As the phone rings again, Logan takes a deep breath and holds it to his ear, “Hello?”

“This is The Florida State Education Department, calling for a Logan Sanders?”

“Yes.” Logan winces, “That is, speaking. I’m Sanders- Logan.” This is already going great.

Reminding himself that he isn’t anxious about work, that other things are bleeding into his professional life, Logan takes a breath.

He’s smart. He’s capable. He knows what he’s doing.

“Wonderful. This is Cathy Eliot. I’d like to discuss a possible career opportunity for you.”

If Logan weren’t a professional, he’d be jumping up and down. Instead he clears his throat and takes a few steps away from the couple next to him. “I see, are you presenting an offer?”

“Mr. Sanders,” Mz. Eliot begins, “we have a large group of graduates we’ve been considering.”

Logan smirks, two can play at that game. “I understand there’s a high demand. Though I’ll tell you I’ve gotten multiple offers from other school districts.”

It’s not a lie, he has received other offers. He’s just… turned them all down.

Though risky, the gamble draws the desired effect from the woman. There’s a pause, and then she sighs. “What I was meaning to say, Mr. Sanders, is that though we have a lot of candidates, you are our desired individual for this opportunity.”

“That’s good to hear! Are you willing to discuss this in depth now?”

“It would suit our time better to email you the details, and set up a call later on. My file says you currently live in Michigan, is that correct?”

“That is,” Logan responds promptly, leaning against the wall.

There’s some typing noises before the woman speaks again, “our board of directors are free around one o’clock your time. Does that work for you?”

Logan pauses as he’s about to say yes. One o’clock is when he meets Patton for lunch. “Is there anyway we could do it a little later?”

“We need to know you’re serious about this, Mr. Sanders.”

Of course they do.

Logan bites his lip, tapping his middle finger against his thigh to the rhythm of a classical piano piece. “I…” He adjusts his glasses and swallows. “Yes. One o’clock works for me. Thank you.”

“Have a good day Mr. Sanders.”

He wishes he’d stop using his name so much. “You as well.”

After he hangs up, Logan leans back to smack his head against the wall. This sets off his plan with Patton, not to mention he’s never cancelled before, he hates going back on his word.

Without really thinking about it, Logan starts walking towards the coffee shop he’d visited earlier that day with Patton. He’d since finished his coffee, and the desire for caffeine is making his neck itch.

He should probably look into that.

“What can I getcha hon?” The barista asks with a smile, leaning over the counter.

Logan blinks, then clears his throat. “Black coffee.” Then, “Please,” as an afterthought.

The barista grins and turns to start making the coffee as Logan pulls out his wallet. When she turns back around to pass it to him, she shakes her head. “It’s on the house dear, any friend of Patton is a friend of mine.”

“Oh,” Logan slowly puts his money away. Patton. Always Patton. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” she replies, and Logan doesn’t believe her. She passes him a peppermint stick and winks. “Peppermint always helps me when I’m stressed.”

Logan perks up and nods, “You’re correct! In fact, people exposed to the aroma of peppermint and peppermint oil experience enhanced memory, increased alertness and increased processing speeds, according to the International Journal of Neuroscience-“

“That’s nice,” The barista responds distractedly. Logan snaps his mouth shut and nods another thank you, then turns and leaves.

Sipping his coffee, Logan feels his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulls it out, wincing at Patton’s number.

Knowing he has to cancel at some point, Logan answers, “Patton, I was just about to call you.”

“Really?” And god, Patton sounds so excited, Logan wants to smash his own face through a wall. “Well I guess I beat you to it!”

“I suppose you did.” Any other time, Logan would be smiling.

“I wanted to ask you something, but you go ahead, okay?”

“Very well.” Logan clears his throat. “I’m afraid I- well you see something came up and- Patton I’m afraid I’ll have to cancel lunch.”

The pause on the other side of the phone is deafening.

Distantly, Logan can hear someone whispering something, and Patton saying something back. Finally, Patton’s voice gets loud enough for Logan to make out. “That’s okay Lo! Don’t worry about it!”

That’s a relief. “Excellent. Now, what was your question?”

“Oh..” Another whispered exchange and then, “I was just wondering where you wanted to meet. That doesn’t really matter anymore though!”

Logan nods. “I really am sorry Patton. So, how-“

“I’ll see you around!” Patton hangs up.

“-are you,” Logan finishes flatly. He pockets his phone and shakes his head with a huff.

It’s not until he’s halfway finished with his coffee that he realizes Patton didn’t finish their conversation with the usual ‘don’t forget how incredible you are!’, something was off with him.

Patton is hurt. Because of Logan. Again.

Suddenly, his coffee tastes as bitter as Patton describes black coffee to be.

By the time one o’clock rolls around, Logan has had three more cups of coffee, four peppermint sticks, and too many worried looks from the barista to count.

It’s taken all the self control he has not to skip class to find Patton. That, and the fact that Patton is also in class, and he’d hate to disrupt even more of his day.

Now, sitting in front of his laptop, waiting for the call from Florida, he still can’t keep his mind off Patton.

“Focus Logan,” a sharp voice says. At first, he thinks it’s his mom, he almost goes into a panic when he realizes it came out of his own mouth.

“Focus,” He says again, calmer. That reminds him of Patton, and it doesn’t help in the least.

Logan takes a deep breath and hums. “Focus.”

This time, he sounds like himself. Good.

His laptop beeps and he waits until the second one to answer, situating himself so it doesn’t look like he’s sitting on his dorm room floor with moving boxes piled up around him.

A smiling man blinks into view on the screen, wearing a blazer over a shirt with tiny sunglasses on it, on his face are another set of sunglasses.

Logan blinks in surprise. This is not what he expected by ‘board of directors’. “Hello… I’m Logan Sanders. Who am I speaking to?”

“Sup! I’m Remy. Nice to meet me.”

...What.

“Uh, yes. It is.”

For a few seconds, Logan forgets everything he’d learned about interviews, letting Remy stare him down as they sit in uncomfortable science.

“You want the job?”

Logan almost falls over, “What?” At Remy’s raised eyebrow, he fixes his tie nervously, “Er, that is, What… is the job?”

“My secretary is a ho,” Remy grumbles and then sips loudly out of a cup in his hand. “The job, Logan, is an opportunity to head a new education branch for financially challenged and er- to put it delicately, behaviorally challenged kids.”

For some reason, Logan has a feeling Remy knows a lot about the latter group. He holds back any snarky comments as excitement grows inside him. So his counselor hadn’t been lying when he’d said Logan was being looked at for high positions.

“Hello? Where’d you go, space?” Remy snaps his fingers, “Earth to space boy!”

Logan snaps his eyes up to meet Remy’s, fully aware of the stupid grin on his face. “I’d be honored, sir.”

“Please don’t call me sir.” Remy holds his pinky up to the screen, “Pinky swear you’ll email me back when I send you the details?”

“Of course I will.”

“Do it.”

“We aren’t capable of touching, I’m not sure what you mean by-“

“Shake your damn pinky and you’ve got the job.”

Logan nods and shakes his pinky in the air, the smile still on his face as Remy signs off.

He has a job.

He has his dream job.

Four years ahead of schedule!

He has to tell Pat-

The smile slides off his face. Patton.

So what? Maybe Patton was a little hurt. He can fix that! The meeting ended up going a lot faster than he thought it would. There’s still time for the two of them to get lunch.

Fumbling his phone, Logan holds it up to his ear, counting in his head as it rings.

“You’ve reached Patton! Leave it at the beep kiddo!”

“Leave what at the beep?” Logan whispers and hangs up. He could try calling again, or text.

Logan huffs as he stands. Who is he kidding, his feet are already on the way to Patton’s dorm.

Thoughts like, he should’ve brought a jacket, texted Patton to warn him, and thought about the possibility that Patton wouldn’t even be at his dorm completely escape him.

All Logan knows, is he has to tell Patton everything.

The door to his dorm is decorated with stickers, paper hearts, a sign that says ‘Hungry? We have cookies!’ and both Patton and his roommate, Dee’s name.

Logan smiles and knocks, careful to not mess up any of the decor. “Patton? It’s Logan, do you have a moment?”

No answer. Logan knocks again, “I’d assume it’s plausible that I hurt your feelings earlier, perhaps we could still have lunch now?”

Again, silence. Logan can hear his heart in his ears.

“Patton I am truly sorry, i never meant to hurt you, not again.” Logan swallows hard and takes a breath, “The fact is, I- well- I love you. Truly. And it was impossible for me to get those words out before, because of what I’ve been through, I see now that.. that is no longer an excuse. I love you, Patton Hart. And I believe- I believe I always will.”

If this were a comedy show, crickets would be chirping, and Logan would be, in fact, a clown.

The air is still, and Logan realizes he’s holding his breath. He waits, waits until his face is probably red and his jaw is locking up and his eyes are watering and telling him to breathe goddammit, and Patton doesn’t answer.

Logan turns away, gasping for air and shakes his head. His eyes don’t stop watering.

His phone dings, and he looks down, staring hard at the text to see through the tears.

‘Sorry I missed your call! Out at lunch with Dee, call you later?’

Logan laughs, he’s not in his dorm. He’s not in his dorm and Logan just confessed his love to an eccentric door.

Typical.

Logan pockets his phone, wipes his eyes, readjusts his glasses, and leaves to order another coffee.

The day pitters by, and Patton doesn’t call back.

Slowly, Logan’s fears resurface, and he starts to wonder if he ever will.

He’s still thinking these exact thoughts, sitting in the campus library at three am.

He can’t take this anymore.

Without thinking, he sends Patton a text, not expecting a reply. He gets one forty-eight seconds later.

Ten minutes after that, Patton is standing in front of him in the empty library, beautiful and kind and tired and sad.

Logan tries to remember his plan, his speech, any one of the poems he’d written for Patton over the years, some way to eloquently tell his best and only friend how he feels.

At least six cups of coffee, the rollercoaster of a day, and the late hour make this impossible.

Patton shuffles his feet and then meets sighs, “Logan-”

“I’m in love with you,” Logan blurts.

Patton’s eyes widen.

The world stops.


	3. Chapter 3

Patton doesn’t mind mornings, the light shining through the window, the birds singing, the sound of campus waking up and the occasional bark of a dog.

This morning though, he’d rather just go to sleep.

He was up until one in the morning, just staring at his ceiling, doing nothing. He might’ve gotten up to draw or work on some homework, but he didn’t want to wake up his roommate.

The roommate who apparently doesn’t have the same politeness towards him because he throws a shirt at Patton’s face rather abruptly before either of their alarms even go off.

Patton grabs it and sits up, raising his eyebrows at Dee. “Something wrong, kiddo?”

Dee looks bored. He generally does, really. Patton has learned to see through it.

“Patton, dear, if you don’t get up and go, you’ll miss your morning rendezvous with specs.”

Patton blinks at him a few times, then flops back down on his bed.

Across the room, Dee sighs. “What is it then?”

“There’s only a week left!” Patton covers his face, sticking his legs in the air and probably looking ridiculous.

“Then tell him.”

Rolling sideways and off the bed, Patton stands, making a pouty face. Dee is staring at him like he looked at the cat Patton brought in from the rain last year. “I can’t just tell him! What if… what if he hates me?”

“Of course, love. After four years of following you around like some love sick cyber puppy, I’m sure he hates you.”

“Really?”

“..No!”

Patton loves Dee, he very much does, after bunking with him for four years, how could he not?

That being said, he might be on the brink of shooting Dee one of his famous condescending glares right back.

“Well you could be a little clearer, kiddo.”

Dee sighs for the third time. “Come on, Patton-pouter, I’ll walk you outside.”

Excited, because Patton rarely has time to spend with his friend anymore except at night, Patton pulls on his shirt and shoes in record time. “Are you meeting Maeve?”

“Later,” Dee says, and he goes just a little red at that. “She wants to go over her Welfare project. Again.”

“I’m sure she’s just being thorough!” Patton says brightly, pocketing his phone and throwing open the door.

Dee shuffles through with a grumbled, “Thoroughly obnoxious.”

Patton watches as he flips his hair back from his face, and doesn’t try to hide the proud smile when he doesn’t suck his head to cover the large scar on left side of his face, even after Dee sticks his tongue out at him.

“Oh, don’t be like that! I’m just glad you’ve decided to stop hiding!”

“It’s been almost a year, Patton. Are you ever going to stop mentioning it every morning?”

“Nope!”

Patton smiles brighter when Dee turns away, barely concealing a small smile.

His smile falters slightly as he looks down at his shoulders. He opens the door again and leans into the room just far enough to pull his cardigan off the coat hook inside. Patton rubs the fabric between his hands and stares at it.

“I am aware of your- er- fascination with cats. So I’ve gotten you a gift… if you’d like it, of course.”

“Lo! This is absolutely purr-fect!”

“Oh god.”

Patton snaps out of the memory when Dee waves a hand in front of his face, and knocks his chin up with a finger. “Come on, you’ll be late.”

Nodding, Patton throws the cat-cardigan over his shoulders and ties it securely.

“Don’t you ever wear it?”

“How would I take it off fast enough to give it to someone who needs comfort?”

Dee goes just a little bit red, and he scoffs and shakes his head. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re pretty!” Patton giggles when that makes Dee turn even redder.

The two walk side by side, and Patton shuffles his feet just a little more than usual. Sure, he’s always happy to see Logan! It’s just…

Just what? Patton bites his lip and shakes his head, taking deep breaths until he can smile without it shaking.

He’s excited to see Logan. That’s it. No deeper meaning, no hidden sadness. He’s happy.

Patton is happy.

Dee opens the door out of their dorm building, leaning against it with one hand in his pocket and looking very much like the lawyer he’s studying to be. “See you this afternoon, darling.”

“Have fun with Maeve!” Patton calls, waving his entire hand so it flaps around on his wrist. Dee snorts and gives him a two finger salute before going back inside.

Looking around, Patton takes a deep breath, letting the smells of campus flow through him.

Leaves and fresh cut grass, coffee and waffles, it smells like fall.

“How can something… smell like a season?”

“You know! How winter smells cold, How summer smells like the beach-“

“We’re nowhere near a beach, Patton.”

“It’s the idea of the thing!”

“I thought it was a smell?”

Patton laughs out loud at the memory, reaching up to pull at a few of his curls, measuring them to his nose absentmindedly as he walks.

He passes a tree, and stops at a chirping sound. He turns and tilts his head at the bird a foot from his face, and he could’ve sworn the bird tilted its head back. “Hi there little guy! I hope I didn’t interrupt your morning song!”

The bird chirps three times, fluttering its wings and hopping to a higher branch.

“You’re beautiful,” Patton tells it with a wave, and continues on his way. He thinks it’s a woodpecker. Logan would know.

It’s about three minutes later when he sees Logan ahead of him, right on time, as usual. Patton waves at him even though his back is turned, “Hey!”

Logan doesn’t stop, but his steps slow down and Patton races to catch up. “Hey Logan!” He says again, maybe a little louder than necessary.

He debates giving Logan a hug, but decides on a light hip tap so as not to invade his space without warning. “How are you?”

Logan nods, and when he adjusts his glasses Patton has the sudden urge to do the same, so he does, and his ears turn pink even when Logan doesn’t notice.

“I am well,” his friend says, and Patton gives him a once over.

His face is slacker than usual, he’s slouching more than usual (though it’s still barely at all) and his tie is crooked. It takes all Patton has to not reach out and adjust it. “You sure? You’re looking a bit tired.”

“That would be because I am,” Logan replies, and his heart sinks. Then Logan smiles at him, and Patton can’t help but smile back. “Not to worry, one bad night of sleep won't stop me from functioning properly.”

Patton guesses it’s been more than one night. He doesn’t comment on it, mostly because that would be a weird follow up to the giggle that escapes him because Logan is so gosh darn cute.

They’re quite for a few minutes, and Patton focuses on the sidewalk, stepping over cracks and occasionally veering off to look at pretty yellow dandelions. On one of the flowers is a ladybug, and he crouches down next to it to watch it crawl between the itty bitty petals.

“How are you, Patton?”

Patton stands, messing with his cardigan sleeves so Logan can’t tell his hands are shaking. He grins as wide as he can, “I’m awesome! On the way here I saw a woodpecker!”

Patton doesn’t miss the way Logan slows to walk with him, and for some reason it makes his throat hurt.

“Considering where we are,” Logan starts in his teaching voice, and Patton’s throat gets tighter. “It’s more likely you saw a Northern Flicker. They do look quite alike.”

Getting an idea and jumping on it, Patton makes a face at Logan, “Do you want to see my impression of a Northern Flicker?”

Logan looks hesitant, eyeing him warily, and then nods.

Patton grins wider and points his hand north, and starts flicking.

“I don’t see how that resembles a bir- oh.” Logan’s face turns exasperated. “Oh because you’re flicking to the north- that’s- that’s completely awful.”

“You love me,” Patton coos dramatically.

He regrets it the second he says it.

“Do you have lunch plans today?” Logan asks, maybe a little too quickly.

Patton tells himself very sternly in his head not to cry. He refuses his cardigan to have something to do and shakes his head, “Nope! None.”

Quiet. Patton blinks rapidly.

Logan clears his throat and for a horrifying second Patton thinks he’s going to ask why in the world would Patton thinks he loves him because they’re only friends and besides they’ll be strangers in a week and-

“Would you like to attend lunch together?”

Patton almost passes out in relief. He clasps his hands behind him, another way to hide the shaking. “Yeah! We’ve been friends long enough that you don’t have to ask anymore, Lo.”

Logan trips a little, but keeps his eyes ahead. Patton wonders just how tired he really is.

The coffee shop door swings open when Logan pushes at it, and Patton bounces through.

Almost everyone in the coffee shop waves at him or says hi, and it makes Patton’s insides warm. He passes Eliot on their way out the door, and the student waves at him, “Hey Patt!”

“Eliot! Hey!” Patton waves back, and his eyes go wide as he remembers the talk they had in Animal Sciences two days ago. “How’d the English final go?”

“Aced it!”

The warm feeling in Patton’s chest gets bigger. “Aw, kiddo! I knew you could!”

Eliot snorts and changes the topic, Patton doesn’t argue. Compliments are hard sometimes. “Getting coffee for Professor Aldridge again?”

“You bet!”

“Man, if I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you’re a suck up!”

Patton laughs as they leave with a friend, turning back to the counter to decide what to get. Logan leans over his shoulder, and goosebumps raise on the back of Patton’s neck. Logan being close to him is.. really nice.

“If they did know you any better, they’d know you are, in fact, a suckup.”

Patton gasps, and his face is red from Logan’s breath on his shoulder but he pretends it’s because of the accusation. He pushes Logan just a little, and almost pouts when he stays far away. “Am not! I just like doing nice things for people… and if it happens to make some professors more inclined to give me extensions more often… that’s pretty neat!”

“I’m fairly certain that’s the definition of a suck up.”

“Coffee, Lo?” Patton asks, smiling despite his red hot ears and cheeks.

Logan chuckles, and Patton wants to kiss him. “Buying me something to get out of a conversation? That’s a bribe. Which is a crime in some states.”

“I guess that makes me a criminal,” Patton starts, raising an eyebrow at Logan who is looking increasingly distressed, “criminally-“

“Black coffee if you don’t mind,” Logan interrupts.

Patton giggles and pulls out his wallet, paying for both their drinks and the Professors.

“I could pay for them this time, Patton.”

“You could!” Patton agrees, but makes no move to let him. “Don’t worry about it. I dragged you here anyway!”

“On the contrary. You didn’t drag me anywhere.”

Smile softening, Patton doesn’t know if he wants to cry because he’s happy, or because he’s lovesick. “No, I guess I didn’t.”

Outside the coffee shop once again, Patton walks slowly with both his cups, not wanting Logan and his morning walk to end. He blows on his hot coco and side eyes Logan. “Are you… nervous about leaving school?”

Are you nervous about leaving me? Is what he wants to ask.

Patton watches as Logan takes a sip of his coffee, wincing at how hot it is. He doesn’t say anything.

“I’m nervous,” Patton blurts, not being able to stand the quiet any longer. “After this it’s just us against the world, you know? The future we’ve been preparing for since preschool is finally here and… I’m not ready at all.”

Logan looks at Patton with wide eyes and a frown, and Patton fidgets where he walks. “You aren’t ready? Are you alright?”

Patton shuffles his feet for a few steps, widening his smile to hide his anxiety, “Of course I’m alright! Just a little apprehensive is all.”

“Patton..” Logan slows and lightly bumps his hip into Patton, “you can talk to me.”

“I know I can!” Patton wiggles his eyebrows, desperately trying to get back the happy mood, “What? Have I been speaking gibberish?”

“Ah. Humor to cope. Why am I not surprised.”

“Well aren’t you feisty today!”

“It must be due to the-“

“Like a cat.”

“-lack of sleep last night.”

“Because cats are feisty.”

Logan adjusts his glasses with a sigh. “Yes. I understood, I merely refrained from commenting on the unnecessary joke.”

“Jokes are never unnecessary!” Patton protests, and he so hoped Logan will launch into a sciencey explanation to jokes that will take up the rest of their time.

No such luck.

“If you don’t wish to tell me what’s troubling you, you don’t have to,” Logan says quietly.

Patton stalls, he doesn’t want Logan to think he doesn’t like him! It’s the opposite of that that’s the problem. “It’s not that! I trust you Lo!” He bites his lip and then shrugs. “I’m just in a funk! I’ll be back to normal me any minute!”

“Patton-“

Turning towards his own class, Patton waves, walking fast backwards, “I’ll see you at lunch!”

Logan sighs and gives a small wave, “Have a satisfactory day Patton, I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Don’t forget how incredible you are!” Patton calls out, the routine end to all their conversations since that night under the tree when Logan cried for the first time.

“I’m nothing incredible, Patton. I’m just broken.”

“Well I think you’re incredible, doesn’t that count for something?”

Patton shakes off the chills he gets and speed walks to his classroom.

He doesn’t look back.

“Mr. Hart!” Professor Aldridge says calmly, watching Patton walks through the door. She tilts her head, “I didn’t take you for a two cup kinda guy?”

“Oh!” Patton hands her the untouched cup. “That’s for you.”

Professor Aldridge shakes her head fondly. “Thank you, Mr. Hart. That’s very kind.” She stares at him in the way she always does, like her eyes are burning holes in his forehead and reading all his secrets. “Are you alright?”

Patton nods a little insistently, “I’m great! Just tired.”

Aldridge gives him an unimpressed stare and then sighs. “I’m always here if you need it, Patton.”

“I know.” Patton tries for a smile, but it comes out as more of a half shrug and a tight line of a mouth.

Patting his hand, Aldridge nods. “I know the end of school can be hard, and very overwhelming. I’ve been where you are. Hell, I am where you are. Every time a new class graduates I lose just a little bit of me. Especially when one of those students is like you.”

Patton starts to cry.

Aldridge doesn’t stop him, she just sits there with her hand over his and nods. “I met my wife in college, did you know that?”

The shock almost makes Patton stop crying. Professor Aldridge is gay? “You- you did?”

“I did.” Aldridge pulls back to lift a picture frame of her desk and pass it to him. It’s an old picture, Professor Aldridge must of been his age. There’s a girl standing next to her in a leather jacket and a mini skirt, looking like she could kill you in a second and coo over kittens the next.

Patton looks back up at Aldridge, who’s gray hair and crows feet next to her eyes are the only reason she looks her sixty years of age.

“Marrying someone of the same sex was illegal back then, so we didn’t have much hope. We let each other go,” Professor Aldridge looks sad for a few seconds, then she smiles. “We finally found each other again, and both of us cried when our marriage was legalized. We’ve been together since.”

Patton stares at her, and his heart beats in his ears. “Do you.. think it was fate?”

“Oh no,” Aldridge says with a laugh, she takes the picture again, setting it down carefully. “I’m a science professor, I don’t believe in fate… but I do believe, that if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them.”

Trying not to cry again, Patton laughs wetly. “You should write a book.”

“There aren’t any books that can tell you what love is,” Aldridge replies, and Patton has the distinct notion that she isn’t taking about him.

“Thank you, Professor.”

“As always, I’m here,” she winks at him, knocking her cup against his before he heads to his seat.

He’s on the front row, like most of his classes, because glasses are great but he’s still blind, and because it’s louder in the front, the chatter of students and laughs and groans drown out whatever Patton doesn’t what to think about.

This time though, it’s not loud enough.

“if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them”

He has time.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaa I hAte this chapter but I gotta get through it so we can get to the fun stufff

Patton is running out of time. 

On one hand, he has endless time. Even when they graduate, it doesn’t mean it’s the end. But on the other hand, who knows what will happen! Logan could move overseas or go to space!

(Admittedly, the second one isn’t very likely, but Patton has come to realize that with Logan, nothing is impossible.)

It doesn’t help at all that Dee has been giving him that look since he met up with him back in their dorm room after class. Maeve isn’t much better, but at least she’s mostly focused on painting Dee’s nails ten different colors. 

“Remind me again why Aldridge didn’t convince you?” Dee asks with a sigh.

“Stop moving!” Maeve protests. Dee sticks his tongue out at her.

Patton shrugs, pulling his blanket around him tighter. “I guess I know there’s a chance we’ll find each other again, but what about all the time we’ll miss spending together?”

“Patt,” Maeve says, not looking up from Dee’s fingers. “What’s so hard about saying you wanna bang him?”

“Maeve!”

“Stop moving!”

Dee huffs at her. “What Maeve would say if she had any sort of elegance-”

“Fuck you, for one.”

“-is that if you really care about him, tell him. Holding back will only hurt you.”

Patton makes a pouting face. “Worse than him not feeling the same way?”

“At least that way you’ll know.”

The room falls silent aside from Maeve’s out of tune humming and the occasional hiss from Dee whenever she gets nailpolish on his hands. Patton watches them, and part of him is jealous. He wants what they have. Complete trust and care and openness.

He could have it.

Patton bites his lip. “Okay.”

Maeve jumps at the sudden break in silence, “Dee don’t move!”

“I didn’t!” Dee glares at her, then looks up at Patton. “Are you sure?”

“Aw, kiddo, I’m always sure!”

“I’m not a child.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Just paint my nails, Maybelline,” Dee snarks back at Maeve. He raises his eyebrows at Patton. “I’m serious. I watched the two of you dance around each other for four years, and you’re just deciding this here, now?”

Patton shrugs. “No time like the present!”

Dee snorts, “Tell that to the you of the past.”

“If I could time travel, I’d make sure to let him now.”

It takes Dee a few seconds, and he blinks blankly. “Truly one of your best puns, darling.”

Patton smiles shyly, “Yeah, I’m nervous.”

Twisting the cap on her nailpolish kind of violently, Maeve flops down onto her back, sticking one foot out to poke Dee in the face with it. “I feel like I’m at a middle school sleepover. Just call him!”

Dee shoves Maeve’s foot away and tosses Patton his phone. Patton fumbles it, accidentally hitting it back at Dee, who looks very tired as the phone and Maeve’s foot hit his face. Patton grimaces, “Sorry! One more time.”

Tossing it slower, Dee ducks, only straightening when he’s sure Patton has the phone securely in both hands. “Good, now dial.”

“And say what? I can’t confess over the phone!”

Maeve sits up again, blowing her uneven bangs out of her face. “You’re having lunch with him, right?”

“Yep!”

“Ask him if you can tell him something important when you meet, that way you can’t chicken out.”

Patton tilts his head. “Hey… that’s pretty smart!”

“That’s because I’m pretty smart,” Maeve says, throwing a pillow at Dee when he makes an ‘eh’ noise.

Giggling, Patton shakes his head. His friends are pretty weird. With a deep breath he dials Logan’s number, holding his phone to his ear. It rings four times and Patton starts to think Logan won’t pick up when the line clicks.

“Patton, I was just about to call you.”

Patton is well aware of Dee and Maeve’s eyes on him as his face brightens. “Really? Well I guess I beat you to it!”

There’s something off in Logan’s voice when he says, “I suppose you did.”

Ignoring it, Patton fiddles with the blanket around him. “I wanted to ask you something, but you go ahead, okay?”

“Very well.” Logan clears his throat and Patton already knows it’s bad news. “I’m afraid I- well you see something came up and- Patton I’m afraid I’ll have to cancel lunch.”

Apparently the disappointment on his face is obvious, because Dee starts waving his hand with a question look, “What?”

“He has to cancel lunch,” Patton whispers.

Maeve makes a face. “Dick.”

“I’m sure he has a good reason!” Patton defends, still whispering. “I’ll just talk to him tomorrow.”

Dee shakes his head. “No, you won’t. I know you. Tell him now!”

Patton stares at him, one beat, two, then goes back to the phone. “That’s okay, Lo! Don’t worry about it!”

Both Maeve and Dee groan.

“Excellent, now what was your question?”

“Oh…” Patton goes back to whispering. “He wants to know what my question was.”

“Tell him!” Maeve and Dee whisper shout at the same time.

Patton gives them an apologetic look, raising his voice for Logan, “I was just wondering where you wanted to meet. That doesn’t really matter anymore though!”

Dee slaps his forehead, Maeve goes back to painting her toes.

Panic starts to settle in Patton’s chest, the same feeling he gets when he accidentally procrastinates on homework and only realizes the day it’s due. He’s pretty sure Logan says something else, but he can’t make it out over the rushing blood in his ears. “I’ll see you around!’

It’s only after he hangs up that he realizes he didn’t tell Logan how incredible he is, which is definitely something Logan would notice. So now Logan probably hates him.

Dee stands up and ruffles his hair, “Come on, sunshine. Maeve is going to meet her sister for lunch, you and I can grab something together.”

Forcing a smile, Patton nods. “Okie dokie!”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Pretend you’re fine.”

Patton shrugs, and then Maeve is hugging him. “Dee doesn’t know what physical affection is,” she says.

“Shut up,” Dee replies, but he smiles encouragingly at Patton and his hand stays on his head. 

Maeve huffs into his shoulder. “You’ll be okay, sweetheart. There’s always tomorrow.”

“Right.” Patton hugs her back. “Tomorrow will be better.”

“There you go.” Maeve pulls back and stands, and just like that her soft, caring behavior is gone. “Now I’m going to go eat the hottest wings that place downtown has!”

Dee’s eyes widen in alarm. “What!? You can barely handle normal hot sauce!”

“That’s what my sister said!” Maeve is already halfway out the door. “Time to prove her wrong!”

“Or go to the hospital!”

“Sounds like an adventure!” The door slams, Dee pinches his nose.

Patton smiles, “She still wants kids, right?”

“Yes. I’m terrified.”

“I’m excited.”

Dee snorts and passes Patton his cardigan, “Let’s get going, I want steak.”

“I bet you take it rare-”

“Oh god.”

“-like you!”

Rolling his eyes, Dee stuffs his hands in his pockets. “You’re a comedian, Patton.”

“I know that was sarcastic, but I’m going to take the compliment!”

Campus is busy, friends and couples rushing from place to place, to get food or to class, some are already going home. It tugs at Patton’s heart, that he won’t see these things anymore come next week. He glances at Dee, puffing up his cheeks. “So… you mad at me?”

“Never.”

Patton smiles, sticking his hands in his pockets and his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he tries to keep pace with Dee. Unlike Logan, he doesn’t slow down for him. “Hey Janus?”

“Uh oh.”

“What?”

“You only use my real name when it’s serious.”

“I do not!”

“Do too.” Dee throws an arm over Patton’s shoulders. “Come on, let it out.”

Patton huffs. “Do you think that if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them?”

“No.”

“What- that fast?”

Dee shrugs. “I don’t think love is on the universes scales of who you happen to run into on the street. There’s no such thing as soulmates, Patton.”

“Then…” Patton wrinkles his eyebrows. “What do you call people who are in love, who want to spend the rest of their lives together?”

“Idiots.” At Patton’s affronted noise, Dee sighs. “Happy idiots.”

Stopping, Patton turns to frown up at Dee. A bicyclist passes them, and Patton can’t even force himself to smile and wave like he usually does. “So what happens if graduation comes, and I never tell Logan?”

“Most likely? You get a good job, you buy an apartment with a leaking sink, Maeve stops by at least once a week to annoy you, we have Sunday dinners that move to Friday’s after Maeve has a kid. We learn how to golf of all things, and that replaces the parties and “wild nights”. We get old, we retire, we die and I give my law firm to one of my godchildren, and we’re buried next to each other like the codependent bachelors we are.”

Patton giggles, “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“No. It doesn’t.” Dee rolls his eyes and sets a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “But it would be so much better if you had Logan.”

“I know.”

“Then tell him.”

Right on cue, Patton’s phone plays the familiar “Up” theme. He takes it out of his pocket, staring at Logan’s contact. “I can’t tell him.”

“Darling-”

“I want that.” Patton puts his phone away and smiles at Dee, “I want the golf and leaky sink and annoying Maeve. I want to get old with you.”

“And without Logan?”

No. More than anything, no.

Patton smiles up at Dee, “Come on, Janus. Lunch is waiting.”

It’s not until Janus is walking ahead of him that he pulls out his phone to text Logan an apology. Maybe Dee is wrong. Maybe one day they will find each other. One day when Patton isn’t so scared.

The rest of the day is a blur. Patton puts so much effort into trying to keep up a happy facade that every minute blends into the last until he’s sitting in his dorm, and Janus sets a bottle of blue nail polish in front of him and says, “Tomorrow will only be better if you let it.”

Staring at the blue shade, Patton imagines a yellow one next to it, an orange next to that. He imagines his mom’s voice that he can barely remember past the few home videos in a box under his bed. 

Tomorrow will only be better if you let it.

Was that her mistake? Is that his?

“Patton.” Dee sits down on the edge of his bed, taking the nail polish and setting it gently in his palm. 

“I know.”

Dee nods, leaning forward to kiss Patton on his forehead. “You’re letting fear keep you from being happy.”

“I am happy!” Patton argues, and there’s weight behind it. He is happy. He loves Janus and Maeve and his dad and he’s so excited to get his degree-

“You’re not the happiest you can be.” Janus smiles, “Tell him, for our collective sanity.”

Patton’s phone dings. The roommates both lean over to see who would be texting at this hour, Patton half expects it to be Maeve, asking if they have any frozen burritos left. 

It’s not. It’s Logan.

Library? Only if you wish to.

“Should I say yes?”

Dee gives him a deadpan look. “No. You should turn down this perfectly timed opportunity because of campus curfew.”

“Oh..”

“Say yes!”

Patton jumps. “Oh!” he fires a text back, jumping up to shove on his shoes. He turns and looks at Dee. “Tomorrow will be better.”

“Because you’re going to let it be, you giant sap.” Janus throws Patton’s cardigan at his face and waves his arms at the door, “Go!”

Ten minutes after that, Logan is standing in front of him in the empty library, breathtaking and smart and tired and sad.

Patton tries to remember all the love stories he’d ever heard, a song lyric or a poem, any one of the things Janus had beautifully said about love over the years, some way to tell his best friend and love of his life how he feels.

At least forty forced smiles, the rollercoaster of a day, and the late hour make it so very, very hard.

He shuffles his feet and then sighs, he can do this. “Logan-”

“I’m in love with you,” Logan blurts.

Patton’s eyes widen.

The world stops.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the end is "Home Is You" by Megan and Liz

“I’m in love with you.”

Patton props his chin on his hand, tilting his head at the graduation cap sitting on the table in front of him. “Does it need more glitter?”

“Yes,” Dee says without looking up from his own. He’s carefully drawing Medusa on the top, her eyes wide and snakes wild. “You can never have enough glitter.”

“I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic so I’m just gonna go for it.”

Dee chuckles, setting aside his pencil and picking up a paint brush. “What’s Logan doing for his?”

At the mention of Logan, Patton’s cheeks turn pink. He smiles. “His favorite constellation.”

“Which would be…?”

“Monoceros,” Patton replies without missing a beat.

“The unicorn?” Dee pauses his painting. “Really? I would have taken him for a Telescopium kind of guy.”

Patton makes a face. “Tele-what?”

“Telescopium. Telescope.”

“Oh! You’re so smart.”

Dee rolls his eyes fondly. He passes Patton a bottle of blue glitter. “Hurry, we have to meet Logan and Maeve soon.”

Patton almost spills the entire bottle trying to open it and sprinkle it over his cap in a rush. “I can’t believe it’s today!”

Chuckling, Dee holds up his cap to examine it. “Yes, graduation. Where we walk across a stage to be handed a piece of paper that took thirty cents to make and twenty thousand dollars to buy.”

“That’s an… intelligent way of putting it, Janus!”

“Your optimism is appreciated.”

The two lapse into a comfortable silence, Patton’s tongue sticks out of the corner of his mouth as he puts the finishing touches on his eccentric hat. He’d started off with a Cinderella theme, but then he found some really cool frog stickers, and then Logan gave him some star ones, and from there the cap turned into a mashup of everything Patton loves.

There’s even a tiny picture of him and Logan in one corner.

“I’m in love with you.”

***

“This is the most ridiculous thing that has ever happened to me,” Logan says, staring at the text message from Remy. He sighs, dialing the number as he pulls his jacket on.

“Hala on my end!” Remy greets after four rings.

“What- never mind. I was wondering what the text was about?”

“The text?”

Logan makes a face, he can almost see Remy smiling. In the four phone conversations since his new boss gave him the job, Remy seems to love confusing him. “You texted me and said, quote, ‘I found you the perfect digs’.”

Remy chuckles, “Seems pretty self explanatory, Spaceboy.”

Logan wants to tell him that no, it wasn’t, at least not until he looked up the definition of “digs” (noun: home; place of residence). Instead, he sighs. “Alright, so you found me an apartment?”

“You bet! It’s like, I don’t know, three miles away from the school I guess?”

Three different uncertainties. Wonderful. “That was… kind of you.”

“I know.” Remy yawns through the phone, and something that sounds like ice clinking together follows. “Is that all? I need a refill and there’s this cute ass hell barista working.”

“...Ass… hell?”

“Bye Spaceboy! Happy congrats or whatever!”

Remy hangs up and Logan rolls his eyes, his mouth twitches up in a smile. It’s not what he expected out of a boss, but Remy is starting to grow on him. Kind of. 

Sliding his phone in his pocket, Logan looks around his now empty dorm room. All his boxes are waiting in his car, ready to be shipped off to Florida.

Florida. 1,392.4 miles. Four hours and fifty-seven minutes on average by plane. An estimated twenty hour drive.

“I’m in love with you.”

Logan reaches up and touches his lips lightly, brushing his index finger across them. He smiles.

Patton’s eyes widen. The world stops.

Logan clears his throat, voice soft and rough, hoping this wasn’t a mistake, “Patton?”

“I…” Patton looks around like he’s searching for a way out. Slowly, he looks up and meets Logan’s apprehensive eyes with his panicked ones, and blurts, “Do you like mushrooms?”

“...I’m...sorry?”

“Mushrooms. The- the food? Do you like them?”

What feels like eternity stretches between them. Patton stares at him in a way that reminds him of the scared cat Patton brought into his dorm from the rain two years ago. “I… suppose so. Why?”

“Because I’ve got so mushroom inside my heart for you!” Patton practically shouts with barely a pause between words, bouncing on his toes with his hands tangled in his hair.

It’s so incredibly ridiculous and so incredibly Patton that Logan thinks he’s either going to faint or kiss him.

He goes with the latter.

A knock sounds on Logan’s door and he picks up his keys, separating his dorm key from the rest as he makes his way to the door. He swings it open, and immediately recoils when Maeve punches him in the arm. “Ow.”

“Tell me!” Maeve says, excitement bleeding through her tone. 

“Tell you what?”

“I’ve been busy with family all week, I’ve barely had a chance to say hi to Janus, let alone get the deets!”

Logan thinks she would get along well with Remy. “I’m still not sure-”

“Did you tell him!?”

“What-” Logan furrows his eyebrows. “How did you know?”

Maeve points at her face, “Communications Major with a minor in theater, plus I’m Dee’s best friend.”

That’s probably fair. Logan shifts awkwardly, rubbing the soft keychain against his wrist. “Then… yes. I did.”

Logan doesn’t think he’s ever heard someone actually squeal before. Maeve’s huge glasses smack against his when she dives in for a hug, and surprisingly, Logan doesn’t hate it. 

Stepping back, Maeve smacks him on the arm with a proud look and bites her lip. “I am so happy for you, nerd.”

Considering this is the second conversation the two had ever had, Logan doesn’t think that sentence should hold as much weight as it does. Yet, it does. Logan smiles and adjusts his glasses, “Shall we?”

“We shall,” Maeve says with bravado. She marches out of his apartment and straight down the hall.

Logan laughs, turning to shut the door, and pausing on the threshold. He stares into his empty dorm room, the place he’d spent the last four years. So far, the best four years of his life. His smile softens into something quieter, flashbacks running through his head.

“I’m Patton Hart! It’s nice to meet you!”

“You’re not bad, Lo. You’re human, like me.”

“I think you’d be an awesome teacher.”

“Never forget how incredible you are!”

Logan shuts the door, locks it, and follows Maeve down the hall. He doesn’t look back.

***

Dee has an arm around Patton’s shoulder, the other carrying his duffel bag. Patton thinks he’s beautiful. “I’m so glad you were my roommate, Janus.”

Looking down at Patton, Dee chuckles. “Don’t get all mushy with me, darling.”

Patton looks up and fans his face dramatically, “Too late!”

“You’re adorable.” Dee passes him a handkerchief from his pocket. “But keep it together. We haven’t even graduated yet.”

The bell above the diner door dings as they step through, and Patton looks around eagerly. When he spots Logan, he ducks out from under Dee’s arm, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the table. “Logan!”

Logan looks up and smiles, giving them a half wave. Patton sits down next to him, letting go of Dee’s hand so he can sit across. Immediately, Patton leans in, and out of the corner of his eyes he sees Dee graciously pick up a menu and ignore them.

He kisses Logan’s cheek, then pecks his lips, and when he pulls back Logan’s face is bright red, matching the heat Patton can feel in his.

Logan clears his throat, “Hello, Janus.”

“Logan,” Dee greets with a smile, like he hadn’t been sitting there the entire time. “How are you?”

Glancing at Patton, Logan smiles. “I’m… very good.”

“Clearly,” Dee says, not unkindly. He frowns, “Where’s Maeve?”

“She said she was going to ‘freshen up’.”

“Who in the world even says that anymore.”

Patton bounces in his seat, picking up a menu, “What are you guys getting?”

“Corn soup.” Dee winks at Patton.

Logan looks confused. Patton nudges him, “This was the first place Dee and I ate at together! He got corn soup!”

“You remember what you ordered four years ago?” Logan asks.

“It isn’t very often one forgets how they met Patton.”

Patton makes an ‘aw’ sound, and then chuckles nervously. Why did that sound like a threat?

Luckily, Maeve comes back then, sparing Logan from anything else. She plops down next to Dee and flings a leg over his lap. “Alright, you can start.”

“...Start?” Logan asks.

Maeve nods, “Yeah! Start talking, actually having fun. Not possible without me. Patton knows.”

Patton nods, “Yup!”

“I am regretting a lot of life decisions right now.”

Logan snorts at that, setting his menu down. “Are you all ready to graduate?”

When Patton really thinks about it, he realizes he has none of the apprehension he had the last time Logan asked him. He lets his head fall on Logan’s shoulder. “Absolutely.”

“Can you imagine? No more college, forever.” Maeve pokes Dee’s shoulder, “Except for you.”

Dee sighs, “Don’t remind me.”

Logan tilts his head. “That’s right, law school. Have you received confirmation on your school of choice?”

“Patent pending, at least for another week.”

Patton gets that familiar glint in his eye as he looks at Dee, “Don’t you mean Patton-”

“No,” Logan and Janus say simultaneously.

***

Usually Logan avoided crowds this big, he’d never gone to college parties or pep rallies. This time, he makes an exception, and holding his diploma in one hand and Patton’s hand in the other, he thinks it’s worth it.

Patton squeezes his hand, grinning at the people around them, the shouts and hugging giving off an aura of excitement and relief that even Logan feels. Someone shouts a countoff, and their caps are in the air. Patton’s comes with a waterfall of glitter that carries in the wind and settles across the crowd, and Logan’s is only identifiable by the white and blue stars scattered across the top.

“Happy graduation, Patton!” Logan shouts over the crowd.

Patton’s lips connect with his, and it’s a little awkward because they’re both smiling and laughing and their teeth knock together, but it’s so completely right that Logan doesn’t care.

“Pat!” A voice behind them calls, and then Janus is pulling Patton into a spinning hug, kissing the side of his head sloppily. He sets Patton down and turns to Logan, pointing at him before yanking an arm around his shoulder and pulling the sides of their heads against each other.

“Maeve?” Patton questions loudly.

“With her sister!” Janus bonks his diploma against Patton’s head. “You’re a vet!”

“I’m a vet!” Patton kisses Logan, “You’re a teacher!”

Logan laughs, “I’m a teacher!”

Janus groans dramatically, “And I’m not fucking done yet!”

Patton bursts into giggles, and it’s so contagious that the next five minutes are spent with the three leaning on each other and holding their stomachs.

“I’m in love with you,” Logan whispers in Patton’s ear.

“I love you too,” Patton tells him.

Logan loops an arm around his waist, still whispering, “Come with me. To Florida.”

***

Dee is leaning against the doorframe, watching Patton pack the rest of his clothes. “Have you decided?”

“Decided what?” Patton asks, distracted by an old sweater he hadn’t seen in years.

“If you’re going to go,” Dee says.

Patton pauses. He stares at a picture of himself and Dee on the wall, and then the one of him and Logan next to it. “What about you?”

“You can’t pause your life to stay close to a friend.”

“I’m doing it for Logan.”

“You and Logan aren’t just friends.”

Slowly, Patton starts folding clothes again. “What about my dad? He-”

“Will be proud of anything you choose to do.” Dee walks up next to him, carefully pulling a t-shirt out of Patton’s hands. “It’s okay to want something for yourself, darling.”

Patton turns, wrapping his arms around Dee’s shoulder. He buries his face in his neck. “I’m not going to go.”

He feels Dee hug him back, much softer than at graduation. “I’ll miss you, Patton Hart.”

“I’ll miss you too, Janus Viper.”

Janus pulls back and smiles, cupping Patton’s cheeks in his hands. His eyes are shiny, and a stray tear falls down the scarred side of his face. “Don’t you be a stranger.”

“You got it.”

Before it can go further, Janus turns and picks up one of Patton’s boxes, “So, next week, same diner?’

Catching on, Patton rubs at his eyes and smiles, “And every week after that.”

***

“You’re sure about this?” Logan asks, his hand on the unturned keys in his car's ignition.

Patton smiles at him. Instead of saying anything, he leans over the divider and kisses Logan, his hand wraps around his boyfriend’s, and they turn the key together. The car sputters to life.

Pulling on his seatbelt, Patton flips on the radio, grinning at the song.

_I know that things are changing and I know they can’t stay the same_

“Florida here we come!”

_She’s the reason for who I am today_

“Well, Michigan Airport, at least.”

“Oh yeah.”

Logan chuckles, “Have I told you I’m in love with you?”

Patton wiggles his eyebrows, “Have I asked if you like mushrooms?”

_‘Cause home isn’t a place, home is you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished omg, I started this in September, I am obviously very good at regular posting
> 
> I'm @remussvscohangout on Tumblr! Come say hi!

**Author's Note:**

> Shoot me an ask at my Tumblr; @remussvscohangout if you've got any questions or just want to make a freind! Comments and kudos make my day :)


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